I've been in a bad mood lately, got some things going on. As you all know, the age old remedy for a bad mood is supposed to be laughter so I've prescribed myself some. I'd like to share it with you. These are called Tom Swifties. They were originated by Edward Stratemeyer in a series of cartoons in the 1920's.
"I dropped my toothpaste," Tom said crestfallen.
"Who would want to steal modern art," Tom said abstractedly.
"My investments are worth more everyday," Tom said appreciatively.
"I have to keep this fire alight," Tom bellowed.
" ", said Tom blankly.
"You've got the right to remain silent," Tom said arrestingly.
"I've only enough carpet for the hall and landing," said Tom with a blank stare.
"Sure I can climb cliffs," Tom bluffed.
"This wind is awful," Tom blustered.
"Use your own toothbrush," Tom bristled.
"Yes, I have been reading Voltaire," Tom admitted candidly.
"I've been to a film festival in the South of France," Tom said cannily.
"I love the novels of D.H. Lawrence," said the lady chattily.
"Another batch of shells for me," Tom clamored.
"We've taken over the government," the general cooed.
"I'd like to be a chinese laborer," said Tom coolly.
"Those cobs are amazing," said Tom cornily.
"Give me some pre-packed cheese slices," said Tom craftily.
"I'm dying," Tom croaked.
"A greek woodland deity is no more," Tom said with a deadpan expression.
"I can no longer hear anything," said Tom deftly.
"Have I been emasculated?" Tom demanded.
Don't let me drown in Egypt," said Tom in deep denial.
"I want the statue to look like the Venus de Milo," said Tom disarmingly.
"That sure took the winds out of my sails," said Tom disgustedly.
"I can't find my reefer," said Tom disjointedly.
"I'll never give up my hounds," said Tom doggedly.
"I'm now on welfare," said Tom dolefully.
"It's made the grass wet," said Tom after due consideration.
"Let's get married," said Tom engagedly.
"Get the stick, Rover," said Tom fetchingly.
"I have a split personality," said Tom, being Frank.
"We have no bananas," said Tom fruitlessly.
"This food tastes of plutonium," Tom said glowingly.
"For what we are about to recieve, make us truly gratefully," Tom said gracefully.
"Would anyone like some parmesan," Tom said gratingly.
"I only have diamonds, clubs and spades," Tom said heartlessly.
"It's my maid's night off," Tom said helplessly.
"The doctors had to remove a bone from my arm," Tom said humorlessly.
"That's an ugly hippototamus," Tom said hypocritically.
"I brush my teeth 10 times a day," said Tom implacably.
"His honor is crazy," Tom admitted judgementally.
"I'd like chicken soup with matzo balls and gefilte soup," Tom said judiciously.
"My parents are called Billy and Nanny," Tom kidded.
"I refuse to make an agenda," Tom said listlessly.
"It's only average," Tom said meanly.
"According to this sonograph, the average frequency of my voice is 160 Hz," said Tom with measured tones.
"A million thanks Monsieur," said Tom mercifully.
"Perhaps I will," said Tom with all of his might.
"Do you call this a musical," said Les miserably.
"My sterios half-fixed," said Tom monotonously.
"The sun is rising," Tom mourned.
"Momma is German," Tom muttered.
9 comments:
I thought of my own, hee!
"I really love hot dogs," Tom said frankly.
Hilarious. I seriously laughed. I heard of Swifties, but not all of these. Here are a few more:
"She's got a nice butt," the man said cheekily.
"I'm the plumber," he said with a flush.
"Long, long ago, in a galaxy far far away", Lucas said distantly through his creative bankruptcy.
"I never masturbate" Phillbut said, a stroke of playfull indulgence wrapping each word.
"That's my car you just set on fire, you dolt..." the traveller screamed, hottly dumfounded.
"Don't quit your dayjob" the night manager said, and that was all.
Thanks, you did give me a laugh today and I needed it. Nice of you.
hmmm... so hows th mood after th laafs?
Sad to hear that you're a bit down, but I like the swifties, especially the one abou the hot dog.
I made up some more. After I read them I couldn't stop making them up. I was actually annoying myself. Well, here they are....
"I can't get this silver paper off," Tom said, foiled.
"There, there. I won't let anything happen to you," Tom said carefully.
"In my opinion, it is just a passing fad," Tom said crazily.
"Tie our gear down. The river gets kind of fast here," Tom said rapidly.
"Yes, I sold my soul to the devil," Tom said dispiritedly.
"You've got a yeast infection," Tom said candidly. (HInt: A yeast infection is caused by Candida.)
"I've taken up a new hobby! Knitting!" Tom said craftily.
"I'm going to file this down," Tom said raspishly.
"I've found myself thinking of sex all the time," Tom said satirically. (Okay, I know this one is a little bit of a cheat. Satyr-satire..oh well!)
*chuckling*
Good way to start out MY morning, ma'am.
Thank YOU!
oi that hurts!
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