I started my second session of belly dance I on Wednesday. I was a little disappointed because we aren't learning any new moves but I need to practice the ones that I have already learned so I guess I'll just have to deal with it. I've discovered that I am at a decided disadvantage in belly dance because (hope this isn't too much information!) my butt isn't big enough! We all shimmied for awhile and though my shimmy is adequate I just can't get those coins jingling, I'm just not 'juicy' enough!
We actually discussed this during the class. Though the teacher didn't outright mention my butt, I think that she noticed my wimpy coins and she said that people who are thinner don't usually have the same affect when they hip shimmy and have to concentrate on the movements that require muscle control....the undulations etc ...
For awhile I thought of just trying to eat a lot more food trying to make my butt bigger but hell....who am I fooling! If my butt isn't big after 3 kids it just probably ain't gonna happen. I guess it's undulations for me. (Honestly, I will understand perfectly if no-one wants to touch this one with a ten foot pole.)
So, I will go on with my next thought, one that you will perhaps feel more comfortable commenting on. So, here I was all high on belly dance, driving out of the parking lot when I noticed that the bumper sticker of the car in front of me which belonged to a lady from the class, said 'Immigration! Border Patrol!'.
On the surface, this is a technically neutral statement. It's not like it said 'Drown all the Mexicans in the Rio Grande'. But it has been my experience that people who are pro-Mexican rights don't tend to have these bumper stickers. So, now I am in a class with someone who probably thinks that my husband is here stealing jobs from Americans, someone who probably thinks that people like my husband are turning our country into a 3rd world country. And Blah! Blah! Blah!
And that's okay. I don't agree with her and she doesn't have to agree with me, I respect her opinion limited though it may be. (That's respectful, right?) I'm used to it, I've been married to him for 10 years. I had some idea of how things would be when I married him though I didn't forsee 911 and everything that ensued from that.
And my husband and I are not blindly 'pro-Mexican' either. We both realize that the situation can not continue in this way, that there are going to have to be changes and perhaps consequences as well.
We are for Amnesty. We feel that they need to be offered a way to become a part of the system and that penalizing them is not the answer. The United States has benefit ted from Mexican labor for years, our economies are intertwined and we have benefited more than they have from this relationship.
We need them and that is why they have been allowed to come over. This stance that we are being taken advantage of by them is only a partial truth, we have taken advantage of them as well. They would have been more than happy to have a legitimate means for coming over here and working and not having to do it illegally and we have never offered them this option.
Good thing my husband isn't overly-sensitive. He prints USA Today and he is bombarded with all of the arguments. He says that sometimes he catches people talking about him because he is Mexican but when they see that he has noticed, they smile this false, bright smile and try to pass it off. He has never been hassled by the police but of course, we have this fear that one day this will happen.
My daughters have never been treated badly. I'm not capable of being objective about my kids looks. I just don't know if people can tell that they are Mexican when they see them or not and if things might be different if it were more obvious. And I'm not trying to implie that I want to 'pass my kids off as caucasian'. I would never do that. I hate that!
I have had people ask me if they were my kids or not. One lady said, "Oh your kids are so beautiful. Are they yours?" KInda funny! And my husband is usually treated nicely. If anyone is mean to him, it is usually one of those random encounters, my husband is likable so when people know him they don't give him any trouble.
Some of the things that we deal with are just funny! Some times little kids practice their Spanish on him! They are so proud when he understands them! One time a little kid called my daughter a taco and his parents were so embarassed! Once my husband went to subway and this girl put so many jalapenos on his sandwhich that even he could hardly eat it. She thought she was 'being down', I guess!
The guys at work have a lot of fun with my husband. He has a viscous sense of humor and they like playing with him. People talk to my husband like he is a child sometimes though because he has an accent. I always wonder if this doesn't sort of batter him on a subliminal level but what can you do? They don't mean anything by it, they probably don't even realize that they are doing it.
Anyway, given our experiences, I tend to think that people aren't really as bad as they sound when you read the editorials and listen to the people who call in on talk radio. Becasue those people really scare me!
But we often have this feeling of people talking out of both sides of their mouths at us. Smiling and nodding to your face and then making a snide remark when you are not there to hear it. And really, they can think whatever they want. I haven't really spoken to too many people who are militantly anti-immigration who are really very well-informed. I would be more than happy to talk to someone who is well-informed who has opinions that are different from mine on the matter. I would be interested in knowing what they think. I haven't found this though.
It's funny, this woman (I haven't figured out which one it is yet) is probably a nice womean. She probably had no wish to offend anyone. She probably takes the truth of her convictions so for granted that she probably had no idea that it would offend anyone. Or if it did offend someone it wouldn't be anyone who she was in bellydance class with. It would be offensive to someone who is over there, who isn't the same as her on any level. Oh well. It gave me something to ponder.
13 comments:
I would say that there's a bigger problem than having your neighbors THINKIG your husband's here illegally. There could be problems later on if one, two or more of them think that their mistaken belief is an excuse for violence against him.
As you describe it, some already use this as an excuse to whisper about the subjects of Mexicans behind his back, and to form opinions about him that are unwarranted.
I wish you both the best.
BTW, I never pegged you for a stick figure.
Umm, that last remark was an attempt at a joke. Please forgive me if I offend. I obviously have no clue as to what you look like.
x-We always worry about something like that happening, it's always in the back of your mind but you just go on and hope that it doesn't happen. It is scary sometimes. I didn't take offense, I sort of set myself up for this by posting it. So, you figured out that those stick figures on the poster were pictures of me?
Grrrr--I have no objectivity about this topic (not the butts, but Mexican immigration). I worked for 8 years teaching bilingual ed, and that's when I realized that institutionalized racism isn't just a term from a sociologist. I worked with pro bono attorneys for Mexican clients about to be deported as a translator. I've seen money that was meant for my students go to other areas, then I was told that they didn't deserve it because they didn't belong here. My students parents worked 3, yes 3 jobs to survive here--most of them were jobs that Americans would never do. I got told I didn't act "white enough" because I sided with my kids and visited their homes. What got me was that I was getting penalized for caring about people, plus learning their language by others who could barely get English right and called themselves church abiding Christians. Spare the fuck out of me. Our version of capitalism is based on undocumented workers; the Mexican government takes it as a matter of course that people will go there and the American business community expect a certain ratio because they know that our proud native American types won't stoop to do certain work, yet they also feed the bad antagonism between the races. It is all very deliberate and sickening. I can't even believe I wrote this as I usually get too mad to think straight. I saw this in Chicago for years--even I got called a wetback lover and shit like that. My sister married a Mexican man who got two BAs in Poli Science and Engineering, went to the U of Chicago Law School and is now being considered as a judge. His father worked two jobs so that his kids could have a good life here. I don't think there is another topic that makes me more angry than this, and I have learned that once people make up their minds, there is nothing I can do.
Don't worry about the skinny stuff--I'm skinny as they come, too. Metabolism of a cheetah on amphetamines.
That lady may be driving her family car (an irony to be sure!), and her husband may have more to do with the bumper sticker than she. But that doesn't excuse it.
However, you are handling it just right, intolerance is, um, well... intolerable, but you can't fight it like that. You can turn the other cheek, but I imagine that if something vocal were to be said, you would probably say something yourself. You said yourself before that you can only tolerate something that makes you angry or upset for so long. That's fine. Better than being trampled.
I hope you never have to face a dangerous situation because of this, for you, your husband or your children.
Peace out, BBE.
Fighting intolerance with intolerance--doesn't quite work for me.
Love 'em anyway is my answer. And really, I don't find that difficult.
Himself and I get to deal with 'stuff' all the time. Gotta love my legal resident alien who talks funny. "not from around here, are ya" gets answered with "nope, I'm from Alabama". LOL He's silly that way. What we get to deal got exacerbated with 9/11, understandably.
I don't have the answers for what it oughta look like, but I know what my part ISN'T to be.
Love 'em anyway works, today.
No comment on the butt, of course. LOL I'm smarter than that! ;-)
enemy-It's awful. My experience is that Mexican people are really good people. They have a very strong work ethic and they are very family oriented. As a matter-of-fact, they have many of the qualities that Americans claim to admire. They perhaps have these qualities even more so than Americans.
It's a funny thing. My mother dated a Mexican guy when she was in highschool. I think she loved him. I have never seen her talk about anyone else that she was involved with the way she talked about him. My sister is married to a Mexican guy. My aunt and my cousin are too. My aunt is from my dad's side. His parents were from Mexico and had 10 kids and all 10 graduated college. I sometimes speculate that we were all connected in a past life and that we were Mexican. I fit in with their culture so well. More that I have fitted in with many Americans.
People are so stupid sometimes. I wrote a post about this once on my other blog. It was a little more scholarly than this one. Maybe I will go and get it and put it on this blog.
They grow up very hard and I believe that they are very strong. And they only want a good life for their children just like we do. Now our government is separating families! Sending one of the parents back to Mexico, their kids are American citizens and can stay here, but they will send their father back home. Family values, peh! Every time the Republicans say that I want to vomit!
Diversity is what has made our country what it is and we could use a breath of fresh air in this country right now. And your right, our country was built on their backs as well as other 'minority' groups. I hate that term, minority. But even more I hate the term 'race'. It is used in the same way that species is used, like we are all a different species. I think that that word should be wiped out! There is no such thing as race. There is no difference between people.
Wetback lover? And you worked with educated people? What a trip.
Eric-I always live with the fear that some day someone could commit a race crime against one of my family but I put it in the back of my mind and try not to think about it.
I do confront it when people say something, in a mild way, and I think I make them ashamed. There is nothing that makes me madder than racism.
Mel-We have so much in common, don't we! I think I handle it in a good way and I don't hate those people, they know not what they do, most of them anyway.
I live in an area very close to a city, which is mainly hispanic. There is a great "fear" of this small town integrating because of it. I'm never surprised by what people say in mixed company anymore. I have some of my own baggage as well, but I try hard to see things the right way, not the way I was brought up.
Anyhow, I bet more people talk badly about my ample bottom than your husband. =) Society is obsessed with weight.
Winai-It has been my observation that the Mexican immigrants who grew up in rural areas come to places like where I live, they are not so bad. They usually stick to themselves. However, they are very judgemental of Americans but I suppose that is sort of a defence. But its a little insulting sometimes to have people and glaring sullenly at you for no reason. But perhaps it is a body language thing, maybe I am misreading the body language.
People from Mexico from large cities tend to move to major cities in the US, Chicago, LA, NYC etc...and some of them get into the gangs. I don't know what I think about that. I know that they were talking about Amnesty, which I don't think is going to happen anymore, offered to people without records for violent crime but the ones with records of violent crime not being allowed to stay.
Ab-The attitude of Americans towards people who don't have the same color of skin that they have sickens me. I just really don't get it. I'm ashamed of that, even though I don't do it.
My son just graduated from college and he has a major in computers. He is trying to get a job right now and hasn't found one yet, but he's living in an area that is sort of cut off. I want him to move back here but he needs to stay there for awhile. He is working for my Aunt and she really helped him out a lot so he is obligated to stay there for a little while longer. He can expect to make decent money when he finally gets a job so I don't know if I really buy all of this stuff about the jobs being gone because they've been outsourced.
I do't mean to brag, but my older daughter is gorgeous.
Beth-I think I have read about the problems in the area that you are from. I realize that there needs to be some sort of control on the situation. But I also think that being prejudiced towards Mexicans is sort of an acceptable prejudiced nowadays. It allows people who would normally hide their feelings to be able to vent them without fear of repurcussion because they are 'on the side of right'. It's the prejudice part that I object to, not the fact that something needs to be done. And whatever is done, I would like see be done in a way that is fair and humane but I don't have a lot of hope that this is going to happen.
Well, if you got involved in bellydance your derriere would be an asset! A lot of women feel that bellydance helps them to love their bodies more.
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